Summer

Why can we never just be happy with the time we have at the time we have it? Why do I spend most of my time thinking about things that have already happened or about what needs to be done in the future? The whole idea of being in the here and now seems so damn elusive. Why is something so simple so hard? I am in the process of reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and she struggles with this idea through her exploration into Buddhism. It was also the subject of most of Salinger's work with the exception of Catcher although I guess it applies in a way. I'm enjoying being here in So Cal with my mom and having time to relax but I am always feeling like I'm not doing what I should be. HA. How stupid but it's true. I get angry at myself for not reading enough, for not walking enough, for not going to the movies enough, not whatever enough. I have been just being though, hanging with mom on the patio. Her yard is like a sanctuary. It's quiet in the midst of all the smog, traffic and anxiety of this place. There are trees. Lots of trees and they are big and protective and insulating. I feel so safe and happy in that backyard. I especially like it when it's the evening in the summer. There is nothing like a beautiful gloaming in LA. It's warm, but not hot and the memory of the heat of the day lingers in the back of your mind. The smells are of gardenias and some kind of tree bark. I don't know what it is but I remember it from camp when I was young. It is the chapparelle smell. The kind you can only get from this regions combination of desert and green stuff. Ahh well, I am going into the yard to read now...

War Inc.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to explain that have had a thing for John Cusack for about 25 yrs. He's not only amazingly good looking, he has an endearing charm, he's wickedly intelligent and he seems to have an old and true soul. Oh and he's from Chicago which makes him extra amazing! (My husband is from Chicago) So on to the film. War Inc. is a political satire of the war in Iraq, this administration, popular culture and capitalism in general. It's fucking great is what it is. I alternately laughed hysterically and cried in recognition and did both at the same time at some points. I took my eighty year old mother, well actually she took me :), and she liked it as well. She said she didn't get a lot of the references and she said she knew that because I laughed at a lot of things she didn't get. The beauty of satire is that it makes you laugh but it also brings awareness and in this case fury at what it is we as a country are doing. The next day I went on a walk with some old friends from high school (I'm home in so cal visiting for a month) and in a conversation about perspective etc. she mentioned a documentary that had interviews with Iraqis who said how much they appreciated all the US was doing for them. Well, I would normally have let that slide. I don't like confrontation and I try to choose my battles carefully. But this time it just bugged the hell out of me. How could anyone believe that? How could she truly think the idea of "liberation" is anything more than a powerful tool of propaganda??? I firmly stated that any showing of gratitude was certainly not to be denied but that there was no way in hell we were in this war for any reason other than profit. Not for the country but for the corporations. My point isn't to expound on my views of the war but to explain that the power of War Inc. was that it prevented me from keeping my mouth shut the next day when I normally would have. In fact I think I need to offer to take my two friends, who are intelligent, caring people by the way, to see this movie. I think everyone should see this movie. I sent out a bulletin on MySpace on the fourth to say that it was a patriotic duty to go see it.
Besides, Cusack is freakin' hot! :)

What am I doing here?

I don't know what I'm doing here actually. Writing. I need to write. Sort out what it is I think about things, what I want to do. I'll start by explaining the title. A long time ago, I'm not good with linear time stuff, I was working at a restaurant in Toluca Lake called Papoo's Hot Dog Show. It's a story in itself. Lupe was cleaning off the sidewalk by hosing it down. It was a typical southern California evening, not too hot, not cold. When Lupe finished I commented to Jerry, an amazing counterguy aka good friend, that there was something undefinable about the smell. At the time I was toying with going into the biz, show business. Most likely production, editing was the end desire. Anyway, I told Jerry that if I ever got a production company I would call it Wet Pavement. Because it was something tangible that people could recognize but wouldn't be able to define. That intangible tangible. Anyway, I've always liked it so...
It's perfect actually. Because this blog is an intangible tangible entity. I know what I need to do. I know how to write. I love to do it. But I freeze up when it comes to this. Firstly, it's the Internet. Anything you write is now fodder for the world. I'm not completely arrogant, I don't think I will become the next sensation or anything, but I'm a teacher, I have a reputation and
a level of professionalism I need to maintain. Easy enough, I'm pretty straightforward. But I have a hard time reconciling that kind of public blog with the diary/journal writing I have done before. So many old journals in notebooks, hard cover journals, pads etc. They all start with I'm going to quit eating fatty food, exercise every day, quit smoking and write every day. In the next few entries I slowly start to get back into old habits, which of course results in no more entries!!!! That was then, this is now... What a great book that was. Anyway, enough about me. Oh wait. This is all about me. Okay, I can't focus because I'm trying to watch a Lifetime movie. Yes, I watch them all the time. I love them. It's a guilty pleasure. Stay tuned...